Jobs(2013) Movie review; I wanted to punch Kutcher in the face!

I was interested in the life story of Steve Jobs and thought it would be good to get an insight into what made this man tick, also with reports that this man stole other people’s work or rather represented it as his own I was looking forward to see how this film would portray this technology icon…

Well I could not get past Ashton Kutcher’s face, as soon as he arrived on-screen my fist started to shake, by brain started to feel hazy from all the over the top expressions and super cool stares that Mr Kutcher, AKA talentless asshole, was producing on-screen.

I don’t know why Ashton has this effect on me, he just does, I get that same nauseous feeling each time I see him,I think I can smell the bullshit in his performance and it drives me crazy that he gets by on good looks and money when especially in this film the ”job” could have gone to an actor a lot more deserving and qualified.

The style of the movie was slow & hippy like, and very hard to take seriously.

0/ 10


The Purge (2013) Movie review; Great idea but poor execution

The idea of the film is that in the year 2022 the government have sanctioned one day a year where chaos is allowed to commence over twelve hours, this sounds like a fantastic premise,  my mind started to boggle at the possibilities that lay ahead, unfortunately the film swung for the ball but only hit fresh air!

Ethan Hawke’s family are very robot like, they are intentionally like this but it does nothing for the viewer with regards to feeling warmth or caring about how his family deal with what lies ahead, they could have really have done with some character building with regards to Ethan and his wife especially, throughout and near the end, I felt like I had arrived to the film late and that’s why I knew or felt nothing for either of them.

Same with the bad guys, I felt there should have been some dialogue that would explain why they are such dicks, but this never arrived, you could have just taken the build up that everything goes crazy for 12 hours but this didn’t fulfill my need to know more about the creeps in the movie, the movie should have been great but in the end all you are left with is a great idea but a poor execution of a film.



My Awkward Sexual Adventure (2012) Movie review; A nice balance of serious emotional issues and American pie horn jokes

A smart and clever romantic comedy from Canada, this movie has many things going for it, for one the writing feels fresh and the dialogue is delivered with a genuine punch to the heart, most people have had a break up some time in their life, and even though this film goes to the extreme in stages you will find plenty to relate to throughout.

The film strikes a nice balance of serious emotional issues and American pie horn jokes, I did find the lead character slightly too awkward at times, Jonas Chernick stars & writes this interesting film, I can’t knock him for the writing but if there was one key reason this film never made it as a success it would be down to him playing the lead role himself, he just doesn’t have the charm to pull it off, if Ben Stiller, Jim Carey or an unknown with star quality was brought in to play this part it would have been a smash at the box office, I have no doubts!

Emily Hampshire is stunning in all the right ways, she has a presence on-screen that would make a million men fall in love with her in an instance, while the girls would just hope they could share in her elegance, I look forward to seeing more of her work in the future.



Elysium (2013) Movie review; Worth a watch but only if it’s raining

In the year 2154 the world is divided between the rich and the poor, you could argue that it’s the same in 2013 but this movie pushes it to the extreme.

I love Matt Damon, he has that likeability factor that lets him walk like a chameleon throughout different film sets, he puts in a solid performance in this piece but the movie doesn’t break any boundaries or lay new track in any way, the idea to this film sounded fantastic, I just felt myself never really wanting to run along with the film, the film reminded me of a beautiful lady walking into a bar and getting a kick out of all the guys eying her up, I guess what I am trying to say is the film loves itself a little too much, I prefer the girl who doesn’t give a damn and has everyone guessing about what makes her tick!

I think the films biggest problem was the lack of heart, you join the film knowing that the world is a darker place but I struggled to relate to Damon’s character or have sympathy for him, you could argue that this adds mystery but in the end it just leaves you with that tinny feeling when the credits role.

If you mixed The Running man and Escape from New york you would have Elysium.

Worth a watch but only if it’s raining.



Pacific Rim (2013) Movie review; Rim job leaves a bad taste in the mouth!

Ohh… with a lot of passion I hated this movie, the acting was awful, the characters were one-dimensional, and the style was to rip off any successful sci-fi movie of the past ten years.

Major issue for me was accents, Charlie Hunnam being the worst culprit, he puts on this deep, gravel like accent that seems to swing in between English and American and just for good measure Australian, he totally messed up the football film ”Green Street” for his failure to master the cockney accent, now he adds to his linguistic howlers with this performance.

I have big love Idris Elba, mainly for the ”The Wire” but in general he is an accomplished actor, in this film he must have spent far too much time with Charlie, in the Wire I thought he was American his accent was so convincing, in this he tries his own version of Morpheus from the Matrix and dies on his arse, everything he says is delivered with a slow bass, he starts off in American but ends up in English.

A mention on the film and the plot, it becomes repetitive quite quickly, by the end I was cheering on the bad guys as the good guys sucked so much!

One to avoid, even if you’re seven years old.



The Great Gatsby (2013) Movie review;The OK Gatsby

At the end of this film a frame appears in the centre of the screen, the camera slowly pans in as the music begins, I was unsure if this was the end and did not want to turn off just in case I missed something, it turned out this was the end,and I could have turned off after all, this example sums up how I felt about the movie overall.

There are some fabulous actors involved in this production,Di Caprio,Muguire and Joel Edgerton, there were also flashes of brilliance with some scenes bursting into life, the problem is the other 95%, I understand that you can’t have excitement in every scene, but to develop this book into a movie the director really needed to take a different approach, I would not call this a rubbish movie, but then neither would I want to see it again, It took me three attempts to actually get through the film, each time I restarted I made a mental note of how beautiful the scenery was or a romantic moment captured perfectly to convey a feeling which words could not express… but with all that said I was eventually bored with the story and where it was heading, I found Gatsby’s portrayal resembled a dramatic teenage girl more than a man who had it all.

I could not deny the performances but I simply did not enjoy the film.



The Lone Ranger (2013) Movie review; A real movie that allows you to escape out of your seat!

I had heard very little about this movie, I knew it had Johnny Depp playing one of the leads and that was about it, the idea sounded horrible, to remake the lone ranger, I don’t think there were people calling out for this remake, all the same it was an excellent idea, from the start to the end I was blown away.

The movie really takes you back to wild west, from the indians smoke pipe, to the cowboys boots and spit bucket, the film achieves 10/10 for style and believability, the director plays the film like a real western with black humour, there were lots of laugh out loud moments without feeling like you were watching a movie designed for this purpose.

There is a moment in the film when the Lone Ranger theme music begins, this really blew me away as up until this point there had been no hint that they were going to use it, I had forgotten it existed, it arrived on cue in one of the most beautiful bits of cinematography I have ever seen, the backdrop of the clear blue sky and a speeding train matched with a horse thundering along the tracks were simply outstanding, the special effects in this sequence alone deserve acknowledgment.

The chemistry between Depp and Armie Hammer is endlessly entertaining, I like the old comic book and fairy tale stories from the old days, the bad characters seem really bad, the story has more of an effect on you if you feel genuine fear,the lone ranger has a bevy of bad guys to deal with, Tom Wilkinson impresses but the award for a bad guy in movie for this year, must go to William Fichtner, the man has half of his face hanging out, a million and one scars, and a stare that makes you want to walk out of the cinema.

Most surprising movie of the year for me, full marks to everyone involved, I have just noticed that a lot of people have slagged this film off, these people will be proven wrong in years to come, I agree with the director when he says, in time this will be deemed a classic.



Man of Steel (2013) Movie review; It has super SEX appeal for the ladies

One thing that cannot be denied is the style of this ”Superman” installment, I felt with the previous efforts that the director lit his cigar as soon as the flying cape scenes were shot, everything else was surely just salad dressing….

This movie ticks many boxes that the other efforts do not, the special effects are stunning, think star wars meets superman.

The new superman is good but he fails to secure sympathy from his audience, Christopher Reeve was never ”super” cool but he did have that human geeky quality which let you feel for his superman,the new guy (Henry Cavill) doesn’t really have a geeky side, he looks like he just fell off the catwalk and I guess his biggest problem is fighting off the woman throwing themselves at him when he is not wearing his lycra blue outfit, Henry puts in a decent performance, I just don’t think he has the depth to win everybody over.

Michael Shannon was awesome as Zod, when he got mad you felt he was going to burst through the screen, equally good was Russell Crow playing superman’s dead dad,I just hope when my dad dies that he doesn’t come back to visit in a ghost form offering words of wisdom, if he was to, it would probably be to place a bet for him at my local bookies.



Ashes (2012) Movie review; Ray Winstone playing a mental gangster, what a stretch

I am a West Ham fan, and I always had big love for Ray as he is a fellow hammer and the man who is famous for uttering those famous words ” I’m the Daddy” back in his debut film ”Scum 1979”, of late I find myself disliking his performances, you can’t really call it acting when he plays the cockney hard man with moments of kindness in 99.99% of his movies, each word he delivers bends my ear like sleet in a heavy wind, I don’t believe him in this type of role any longer,I think there is a moment in most mental cases, when age softens the edges, Ray has lost his edge a long time ago…

Back to this movie and the story shows promise but really falls flat long before the end, Ray plays the cockney nut job who has lost his mind, he has flash backs of the nasty piece of work he once was, in the mean time the director and writer give their version of unfunny Rain man with a dull but predictable ending.



The Conjuring (2013) The horror is delivered perfectly

It’s sometimes hard to review a horror film,the biggest problem is generally the generic story and terrible actors, the production team tend to worry more about big knifes and stacks of blood and then as an after thought think about what the story should be about, I say generally….

I loved this movie from the start right through to the end, the story was believable and the delivery was excellent.

I jumped around half a dozen times, (have to admit that, as I have two family members who could testify if I tried to deny it)

The director really teases you with the horror, he avoids all the seen before cliché stuff and sticks to something new in the way he lets this horror get right underneath your skin.

The writing and characters are interesting, the film starts with a cynical head which helps you relate to the story right off the bat.

I highly recommend this film.