Films that do NOT stand the test of time…

The following is a list of movies that at one time in my life I enjoyed,more recently I have managed to watch them again and my reaction is slightly different,a lot of these movies have such bad writing and acting that im surprised they even got the go ahead in the first place,oh well, I guess a gimmick or a famous person is sometimes more important than a good story or talent.

Short circuit 1+2  – 1986

Johnnie five is alive! well after watching this I’m kinda of glad he is dead now,very cheesy and tacky script,I think I was probably more excited about the concept and not the film.

Quote:Number 5: [as John Wayne] Ah don’t worry little lady, I’ll fix their wagon.

Conan the Barbarian – 1982

A monkey could have shown better range in Arnie’s performance here,he either grunts or swings his sword,I think he won his role for Terminator based on this showing.

Quote : Conan: I remember days like this when my father took me to the forest and we ate wild blueberries. More than 20 years ago. I was just a boy of four or five. The leaves were so dark and green then. The grass smelled sweet with the spring wind.

Raw Deal – 1986

Once again Arnies main expression being his desperate need for a toilet,this was one of three main expressions that Arnie mastered back in the 80’s,this movie seems to also be very badly edited,some of the dialogue also sounds like it was recorded on a dictaphone.

Quote : Mark Kaminsky: Max, if you’re the best there is, the wheel would never have been invented.

Licence to drive – 1988

Corey Haim and Corey Feldman were the teenage sweetheart’s of the 80’s,there are some good one liners in this movie, add to this an over the top father and son relationship.

Note, a very young Heather Graham.

Quote: Les. Can you tell me what size SHARK is responsible for this. No don’t say anything, save it for the judge.

No holds barred – 1989

With the massive following that Hulk Hogan had created in the WWF it seemed to make sense and cash in on his fame to make a Wrestling movie,The Hulkster really struggles to make any sense throughout this movie,he seems content to make animal noises ,also the video quality is fuzzy at best.

Quote : Rip Thomas: What’s that SMELL? Limo Driver: Dooo… dooo… doookie! Rip Thomas: [disgusted] “Dookie”?

Teen wolf too – 1987

After Michael J Fox had done a great job in the original it was hard task for Jason Bateman,revisiting this old classic was painful,swap basketball for boxing and keep everything else the same was slighty lame. IMDB RATING 2.9

Quote :Todd Howard: I just had a beard over every inch of my body… fingernails the size of french fries… teeth from here to Texas… and she called me a dog… A DOG… Stiles: So…?

Howard the Duck – 1986

I was five years old when this movie came out,I loved it,I thought Howard was funny and the demons scary, which im guessing was the plan,watching it years later and there is something missing,Howard still has some charm but the rest of the movie seems to lag behind.

Quote : Dr. Jenning: In the lab that night, we saw a single feather fall. We weren’t aware that the rest of you, Howard, had landed in that alley just two miles away. Any questions? Howard T. Duck: Yeah. Where are my pants?

The Heavenly Kid –  1985

The idea was good but the execution was poor,guy dies in a car crash and has to help another kid out before he’s allowed into to go to heaven.

Quote:Rafferty: He thinks he’s worthless. Bobby: Well, he might be on to something!

Eddie and the Cruiser,Eddie lives + Eddie and the cruisers 3 – 1983

I remember being excited when watching this first time round,I thought it was a clever little film about a singer who dies,or does he,and the film explores the truth behind Eddy’s death,I guess if I want to fake my death all I need to do is grow a mustache.

Quote: Eddie Wilson: I want something great. I want something that’s never been done before! Sal Amato: Why? We ain’t great. We’re just some guys from Jersey.

Critters – 1986

God this was a terrible movie/movies,the whole movie just comes off as weak and weird when you watch it now,its suprising how a nation could be so scared of a hairy ball of teeth.

Quote : [Critter finds an E.T. doll] Critter 1: Who are you? [Critter gets frustrated and bites its head off]

Pat Sharp of radio and Fun house fame seems to have starred in this low-class horror.


5 thoughts on “Films that do NOT stand the test of time…”

  1. When I was a kid, I loved Mighty Joe Young – the Charlize Theron version. I watched it for the first time since middle school recently and my God, it was terrible. So even though I haven’t seen any of the films listed here, I can very much relate to the premise of this post, haha.

  2. I cannot believe you have not seen one of them,some of them were big movies back in their day.
    I saw Mighty Joe Young not long ago,it starts off OK but then just turns into a joke,thanks for the comment.

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