My journey to work…

I wake up with my dreams in shock that I have decided to leave,my sub conscience is telling me to ignore that alarm clock,my bed mentally holds out its pillows and looks more appealing at 6am than at any other time of day,I promise my bed that as soon as I get home,I will jump straight back in, and continue this perfect sleep,never gonna happen,but I still say it to myself most days.

I arrive at the train station,I am surrounded by one hundred people,all of them looking annoyed or tired,as I gaze down the platform I notice 98 of the 100 are all under the power of the Iphone,some playing games,others checking the net,and most, listening to music,the only thing they all have in common is the need to be left in isolation,it seems any social remark or comment must be left exclusively for cyber space.

As I enter the train,I walk directly to the single chairs,I relax and celebrate my small achievement in securing a single chair by sipping my coffee and reading my book,all in the knowledge that no matter how many weirdo’s enter the train,none of them will be talking or fidgeting around me,we enter the next stop…

Everyone sits in silence as a minute passes, a man in the distance is running towards our train,his suitcase is flying through the air,his shirt has fallen out of his trousers as he tries to make it to the door nearest me, the guard blows his whistle to signal the train to leave,mentally I have a bet with myself that the man wont make it,when the door shuts five seconds before he arrives, I laugh on the inside and ignore this irate man who is now swearing at himself and the rest of world around him,I know on a different day that irate man will be me, and some smug cunt will be laughing from behind the glass.

KO

Girls gone dead (2012)Movie review – Ever wondered what a porn film would be like without any sex…

OK I freely admit that the only reason I watched this film was because it was available to download for free,and I read a review(probably from the makers)which claimed it was a cheesy,but funny comedy, with lots of naked girls !

Well this movie was just like a porno but without the sex,lots of girls trying to act,all of them failing miserably.

Ron Jeremy also has a bit part in this shi* bucket of a movie,I can’t really tell you what his part was,but then again I’m sure Ron could not explain it either.

I would mention the poor dialogue but I would be surprised if there was actually a script….put this bikini on and laugh about with your mates,would have been the directors continuous advice!

0.01/ 10

KO

The Raven (2012)Movie review – Dark and depressing!

John Cusack will always be rated highly in my opinion due to his part in High fidelity and The Grifters.

Back to this movie and it really is a movie to avoid,the style of shot is very dark,the dialogue feels forced and delivered without really emotion,with both of these combined the result is a sleeping pill in the form of a movie.

DONT WASTE YOUR TIME !

3/10

KO

The Olympic 2012 opening ceremony – Danny Boyle

Well the olympics had failed to excite me up until now,In the UK most people are not interested at the prospects of the games starting, instead they are moaning about the inconvenience, with all these visitors creating extra traffic and slower journeys….

Having just watched Danny Boyles opening ceremony I have to say I am now excited,I am sure there are people around the world who did not get all the references but that’s what made it very English.

The first ten minutes were a bit strange but once the event warmed up I could not take my eyes off the screen,it felt like a movie montage rather that an opening to the olympics.

Danny Boyle should be very proud,I give him top marks for original idea’s and two thumbs up for not playing it safe !

BRING ON THE GAMES !

KO

The Dark Knight Rises: Movie Review

For me this was always going to be the most difficult of the three. Batman Begins caught most people of guard, when it came about most people were like “another Batman movie”, after people where like “fuck, did you see the new Batman?”. When the Dark Knight was released there was a frenzy, I havent met man people who didn’t like this movie and if I have they are not worth knowing. There are not to many 10/10 movies out there, but the Dark Knight sure was one of them for me.

I couldn’t contain my excitement waiting for The Dark Knight Rises. That was my first mistake here, I avoided all trailers this year and advanced reviewers comments, I wanted my own thoughts on what I was viewing on the day. In my mind’s eye I wanted this movie to eclipse part 2, but that was always going to be a tall order.

When I came out of the movie the pedestal I put this movie on was given a firm boot. It was a very good movie….it just wasn’t the great movie  it should have been. I’m not going to give spoilers away for the can’t be bothered to go and watch at the cinema people. The trouble with this movie is, there are to many stars on show, everyone seems to be the now or has been. I guess everyone wanted  a piece of saying they were in the Nolan Batman series. They should have just cooled it though, through out your saying to yourself “oh that’s so and so from blah blah and that’s so and so”.

What about the actors we did have? Batman or should we say Christian Bale was flawless to the end, his skills never diminish over the whole series. The stand out in this movie for me was Anna Hathaway, I was wasn’t to sure she could pull it off,” but boy did she”. If you thought Pfeiffer and Berry looked fine in rubber then you’re not going to be let down here, Anna sure was menacing. Tom Hardy was back to his most brutal, playing one of the most eagerly awaited nemeses, the baneful Bane, you need to tune in your listening skill here as the mask he wears distorts the sound. There are also fine performances from Joseph Gordan-Levitt, Micheal Cane and Morgan Freeman and of course Garry Oldman. One person I was surprising let down with due to her last scene in the movie was Marion Cotillard, I’m not going to say what happens, but it spoiled what she did before hand.  Christopher Nolan is gonna have a pretty impressive collection of Christmas cards this year.

Sometimes you feel that the movie is a little long-winded, I guess you would after 2 hours 40 Minutes. Saying that though, you kind of never want it to end.

I really wanted it to be an 11 out 10, but it could only reach a respectable

9/10

I can’t see anyone wanting to take this project  on after Mr Nolan, good luck to who ever tries.

Yappy

The Veteran (2011)Movie review – Toby Kebbell is the new Pacino but this film sucks!

I loved Tony Kebbell in Rock and Roller,a star was born in my eyes,if you compare his character in that movie to the one he plays in Dead man’s shoes, it truly shows how gifted Kebbell is,that said,one man doesn’t make a football team,and one man does not make a great movie.

(His total time on screen( above) –  3 mins)

The Veteran’s concept was not bad,guy returns from war,gets hired to do some private undercover work, while also dealing with the local scumbag’s on his street corners.

BIGGEST PROBLEM WITH THIS FILM ?

Apart from Kebbell and the Scottish lead,Tony Curran,the rest of the cast cannot act,it feels like a school play at times,that’s how low the level gets,I’m sure the budget was the biggest reason for this, but the movie feels like a beautifully cooked meal,just as you are anticipating the delicious taste, you spot a huge ginger hair growing out of your food,you swap you appetite for anger and wish the cook had decided against putting his hat on that night.

Kebbell, in my opinion is one of the best actors in the business,he has young shoulders but hopefully if his agent can find him the right parts he will soon become a legend!

3/10

KO

Wanderlust (2012) Movie review – Rudd is great,Aniston not so great !

I walked into this film expected a blasé movie,there are part’s which are, but then Paul Rudd lifts the film up and brings his everyman sarcastic nature to what would have been a misable film.

Jennifer Aniston plays her usual Rachel character to a new boring degree.

The film is about a couple who are stressing over their career and success,in between their journey they stumble across a bunch of people who change their out look on life…..

6/10 (Just for Rudd)

Teresa May slammed by the Supreme court for dodgy dealings in family migration

Supreme court strikes down Home Office’s back-door changes to immigration rules | Lucy Mair – The guardian – 18 July 2012

Theresa May’s minimum income threshold for immigrants was never properly debated in parliament

Just over a week since far-reaching new immigration rules took effect – which will permanently separate many British citizens or settled residents from their non-European spouses, children and ageing relatives – the home secretary has suffered a severe defeat in the supreme court. In the case of Alvi [2012] UKSC 33, handed down today, the court struck down a previous attempt by the Home Office to introduce substantive immigration requirements through the back door of policy, guidance or instructions, rather than in the body of the immigration rules themselves.

As a result, legal commentators anticipate an onslaught of legal challenges to the new rules, which rely extensively on accompanying guidance. Yet this is not the only challenge that Theresa May faces. On July 6 the High Court granted permission for a judicial review challenging the minimum income threshold required of certain applicants, and on July 4 the House of Lords issued a report questioning the validity of May’s approach to garnering parliamentary support for changes to the way in which human rights law should apply in immigration decisions.

The new rules were first laid before parliament on June 13 under the negative resolution procedure, meaning that no formal parliamentary ratification is necessary. The changes include introducing a new minimum income threshold of £18,600 for a British citizen or settled person to bring a non-EEA spouse or partner, fiancé(e) or proposed civil partner to live in the UK. This amount rises to £22,400 for a partner and one child and by £2,400 for each additional child. The income must have been earned over a period of time and any support pledged by a third party (such as parents) is discounted, as well as the first £16,000 of the couples’ savings. Income earned by the foreign partner overseas or prospectively available through an offer of employment in the UK will similarly be ignored. Any discretion to vary or waive the threshold has been removed. This amount is several times the income support allowance of £5,795.40 per annum deemed sufficient for a UK couple, and used as the previous benchmark to determine whether migrants to the UK could be adequately maintained. According to the Home Office’s own assessment, around 45% of current applicants would not be able to meet the threshold. There will be a disproportionate effect on young people, women, disabled and older people, and the implication is that lower income families don’t have the same right to family life in this country.

Even for couples who are able to meet the financial hurdle, the minimum probationary period for settlement for non-EEA spouses and partners has increased from two years to five. Campaigners have highlighted the fact that vulnerable individuals, such as victims of domestic violence, will be most affected, as they will now be forced to remain even longer in an abusive relationship if they are to stay in this country. And for anyone wishing to bring an elderly non-EEA parent or other relative to the UK they will have to demonstrate that the person requires a level of long-term personal care that can only be provided by a relative in the UK. Love, commitment and financial wherewithal are no longer sufficient.

When a concerned MP asked May in parliament whether she had examined the impact on communities and families on modest incomes, he received no direct response. But the Home Office’s 60-page impact assessment, published with the rules, makes plain that the answer is a resounding no. Buried at the bottom of page 22 are the only two sentences addressing the personal cost: “There may be negative impacts on individuals prevented from sponsoring the settlement of a partner in the UK. It is not possible to accurately quantify this effect but it could be significant.”

In addition, the home secretary has sought under the new rules to dictate to judges how they should strike the balance between the public interest and an individual’s rights when applying Article 8 of the European Convention on Human Rights (the right to family and private life) in immigration and deportation appeals. In an attempt to give legal and constitutional validity to this approach, May convened a Commons “debate” on June 19. Yet this session appeared to cause more confusion, with one Manchester MP writing to a concerned constituent stating that there had been no debate. More damningly, the Lords in its July 4 report said that “The Home Office provides no evidence to support its view that the procedural approach it proposes will lead the courts to react in the way the Home Office anticipates.”

A common misconception is that these rules affect only foreigners. Tens of thousands of British citizens will also be affected. Virendra Sharma, the Labour MP for Ealing and Southall, tweeted last week: “I would not have been able to come to UK to join my family if these rules had been in place then.”

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KO

Irina Palm: Movie Review(2007)-Place your Penis here Please?

While chilling out late at night and channel hopping British free view TV, sometimes you will catch something that will grab your attention. For me it opens with Irina walking into a sex shop in Soho and applying for a job as a professional wanker? “Yes, that’s correct”. Men come and visit this shop and stick their cocks through a hole while on the other side someone like Maggie pleasures them. It’s all kind of wrong, but viewing is all kind of funny.

Maggie gets taken under the wing by Dorka, who shows her the ropes and the lubrication. At first Maggie can’t believe whats she has to do, but she’s there for a reason. Her grandson has picked up a rare illness and the waiting list on the NHS is endless, the only alternative is to go private. She needs to make six grand and fast! She soon gets comfortable with her surrounding and gets good at her job, soon clients are literally queuing around the corner.

The club owner who at first only employed Maggie for his own entertainment soon realises he has landed on a gold mine and does everything he can to keep her happy. She is given a new name and she is soon earning plenty of money, but it’s not enough, she need the money fast. She purposes a deal to the club owner, who in turn can’t refuse?

When she shows up one day with 6k and plants it on her sons table, he obviously questions where she got the money from, ashamed of her secret Maggie vows never to tell. Tom who suspicion soon get the best of him decides to follow his mother one day. Disgusted by what he unhinges Tom commands her to stop and refuses the money she has put to together to save his son’s life.

Every now and again these British flicks pop up and show us how great we are at making independent movies. We don’t have an action packed life style here on our small island, like any country we have story’s to tell. They may not be flamboyant, but they’re heart-felt. The movie makes you chuckle all the way through and the ending is not dramatic, but it does finish where you didn’t expect.

Throughly entertaining movie to end the night.

7.5/10

Yappy

 

 

Breaking Bad returns for season 5

How exciting is this man, this was a long time coming! I’m quietly passive when it comes to TV, I can take it of leave it. I don’t mind waiting for new seasons to begin. Not this time though, ive been counting the days for breaking bad to start-up again.

If you havent seen this TV programme “what rock have you been sleeping under?”. This blows away anything that shows past and present. They’re some big words to be throwing about when we have been graced with the likes of The Wire, The sopranos, The Sheild, Homelands and the just finished Game of Thrones.

This show electrifies the senses man, everything about it is spot on from top to bottom. The writing, the directing, all the cast, I bet even the lady who makes the tea is a cool ass chick.

I’m not going to relay the first episode for anyone who has not seen yet, real fans I know would have seen it by now and for all those opposed. It’s not a disappointment thank god, it’s gonna be messy. The only let down, is waiting another week for the next ep.

It’s a true

10/10

show

Enjoy bitches

Yappy