I liked the concept of this film, an average Joe down on his luck comes across a ” Monkeys Paw” that grants three wishes, but wait for it, …. when you wish for things you don’t get what you asked for, I was expecting a darker version of ”Bedazzled”, instead what I actually got was a long, dull ass film, that fails to scare or interest the viewer throughout.
I am pretty gob smacked that with such an open story the writer / director failed so badly to make anything work.
1/10
KO
I remember when I felt young, I could play football for 90 minutes and then think nothing of a game of squash an hour later, I am now 33 but my body feels like it is closer to 50.
I decided to re-join my local gym, with all the budget gyms in my town I managed to pay £13 a month, there is no extras like a sauna or steam room but as I paid but never used these luxuries in the past I knew I was on to a winner!
I phoned the gym, I got passed around a couple of times before someone with a high-pitched tone accepts my call, Hi MY NAME IS AMY AND I UNDERSTAND YOU WANT TO JOIN OUR GYM !
Yes I do, I am a previous customer, I would just like to sign up without all the bumf if that is possible.
YES SURE, WELL YOU WILL HAVE TO DO AN INDUCTION AND HAVE A CHAT WITH A MEMBER OF STAFF!
I have used all the machines before, I am only interested in the cardio machines, can I not just sign a waiver so if I break my leg I can’t sue you ?
NO, I AM AFRAID NOT, YOU NEED TO HAVE A CHAT AND HAVE AN INDUCTION WHICH LASTS A MIN’ OF 30 MINUTES, ITS VERY IMPORTANT FOR HEALTH AND SAFETY & LEGAL REASONS!
(I book in a time slot)
When I arrive at reception, the lady looks at me like a lost dog without a home, CAN I HAVE YOUR MEMBERSHIP CARD PLEASE!
No, I am joining today, I was told to ask for Amy ?
MMMmm, SO HAVE YOU GOT A MEMBERSHIP CARD?
Nope! ….. 1st day today.
( Minutes go by before a girl named Sarah arrives at reception, her demenor is that of girl who has just broken up with her boyfriend)
HELLO, YOU’RE HERE FOR YOUR INDUCTION ?
(We arrive at her desk shortly afterwards and in a high pitch she says…)
SO WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS ?
I have done all this before… I just want to focus on running and using the treadmill…
RIGHT, RIGHT,RIGHT…..
WELL WE HAVE A SPECIAL OFFER AT THE MOMENT, PAY FOR 5 PERSONAL FITNESS LESSONS AND GET 1 FOR FREE.
No thanks, I just want to do my own thing.
(She is now looking at me like I am have just informed her that she is in fact adopted)
OK, WELL I WILL TAKE YOU ROUND TO SEE MATT WHO WILL BE RUNNING THE INDUCTION FOR YOU TODAY.
( I am introduced to Matt who looks like he has just woken up, hair covering his eyes when he is not flicking it back with his own head movements)
ALRRIGHT MATE, HAVE YOU USED A GYM BEFORE ?
Yes I have used this one, and several others.
ALRRRIGHT MATE, COOL, LETS START ON THIS MACHINE AND CAN YOU SHOW ME HOW YOU SHOULD START IT.
(I show him how to start three machines, 2 minutes have past and he says…
THAT’S FIIIINE MATE, YOU CAN DO YOUR OWN THING NOW! YOU HAVE PASSED !
( I get stuck straight into to the crosstrainer, I am feeling good as I motion pumping my fists forward while treading mud, there are a few fat ladies working out around me, I don’t really think anything, my mind is vacant, about twenty minutes into my standing workout an attractive blond-haired woman gets onto the machine next to me, as a married man I don’t play away from home but I cannot deny that I attracted to this woman, in over thinking the situation I find that I am pounding the crosstrainer harder than I was before she arrived in the gym, while doing this I am looking everywhere except in her direction, I don’t know why I feel the urge to do this, I guess the opposite reaction of me looking at her once in a while might me confused with me perving on her, so out of paranoia I decide to play it safe and play the role of Stevie Wonder on a crosstrainer.
I am married but I don’t wear a ring, not for the reasons you may think, I hate jewellery of any kind on my skin, always have, but as I am sat there in the gym I notice some girls checking out a guy and making it so obvious that all the guy would have to say to pull her would be to smile and say hello,(The guy in question does not notice any of his admires, or pretends not to notice them ) at this point I have an urge to be wearing a wedding ring, I want to wear it as a beacon of comfort to all the single ladies in there who now don’t see me as a threat , I hate it when you are just being friendly but this is confused for making a play….
45 minutes in and I head to the water area, while guzzling a few cone-shaped cups, I gaze at the fitness classes on the wall, a plane woman in her 40’s is a yard away from me, I casually ask about one of the groups, ( what type of exercise do they do in that class ?) the woman looks at me like I have just asked if she fancied a quickie in the toilet, she looks uncomfortable and replies with, Errr.. I don’t know, but as she walks away she smiles to herself as if to say, ( Yeah, nice try fella!) I can’t tell you how annoyed this makes me, Oh well I will have to take it out on the treadmill.
1st day of Gym
30 MINUTES ON CROSSTRAINER
15 MINUTES ON TREADMILL
15 MINUTES ON THE BIKE
TARGET FOR NEXT WEEK – 30 MINUTES ON TREADMILL
KO
Based on a true story about two American missionaries who decided to set up camp in Russia and teach the locals the word of God.
For the first part of this film I was left wondering how much dribble I would have to listen to about God and what he expects from us, I am an atheist and at no point did I feel like converting to believing in the special man in the sky.
The film takes a turn for the better when these two men are kidnapped, the interest levels increase when the two men have a battle on their hands which revolves around their own faith, the mormon group don’t drink alcohol, don’t smoke and don’t do a lot apart from living a good life and helping their fellow-man, may be harsh but that is how they are depicted in this movie.
The real climax arrives in the film when the two men question their own faith and question if they can survive without breaking their own rules.
I enjoyed the movie, the actors draw you into the story and if you have faith or not in your life there is still enough going on to keep you entertained.
7/10
KO
I really enjoyed this, had no expectations, did not know Jason Bateman was in it, or that he was directing the film, please continue with this kind of work in the future Jason!
Bateman plays the role of his career, he seems like the number one go to guy when it comes to safe family comedies, this is not a safe family comedy, Jason plays a complete cock with grinning charm, there are few actors who have pulled it off, or should I say get the right dialogue and attitude on the same page, Billy Bob Thornton was a great cock in Bad Santa, but there is something special about the way Bateman delivers this role, he has complete conviction over his cock character, you don’t doubt him for a second which resulted in my case anyway, a lot of laugh out loud moments from the off which continued throughout.
Kathryn Hahn deserves a mention, with her lovable face which turns crazy without notice, she really compliments Batemans performance and they bring the best out of each other.
The story is layered very well, you have a kind of love interest, a kind of friendship, a competition and a family issue.
One of the most funny and entertaining films I have seen in a long time, I tip my cap to you Jason Bateman, you are a very funny man.
8/10
KO
I find Scarlett Johansson very attractive, when I read that she was wandering around Scotland flirting and killing men in this film my intrigue rose to a decent level.
All I can say is, strange, strange & very strange, part of me wants to slam the film, but I can’t, even though it is very weird I could not stop watching, before you get excited there is no real sex scenes in the film, and fans of the horror genre will be better giving this one a miss, I don’t know where this film will attract its viewers from, it must have been the hardest film to market, maybe that’s they decided not to do any marketing!
Mmmmm…. I don’t recommend the film but I will say if you are bored with the general mass-produced movies of today maybe you will enjoy this odd ball movie.
5/10
KO
Facts about the film –
The men lured into the van by Scarlett Johansson‘s character were not actors. Jonathan Glazer had hidden cameras installed in the van and only informed the men afterwards that they were in a movie.
I thought I had already seen the last of Paul Walkers film work, so this turned out to be a nice surprise and the good news is, the film is pretty good.
Paul plays an undercover cop, (AGAIN), but this time he has Parkour star David Belle to share the screen and bring his muscles to fight off Paul’s Walkers charm and brains.
I have seen the original to this film which was named District B13 (French film), David Belle stars in the original and the remake which must be a first ?
Both films are great, but for those of you who hate Subtitles the Paul Walker version will probably go down better.
The story is interesting and the characters are believable and shocking at times, the pace of the film feels just right and director and writer never let you get bored.
Good film.
7/10
KO
This surely cannot be hard to work out, from my memory alone you have David Bentley ( Strong possibility) Arron Lennon ( Very strong seeing he has not been picked or mentioned for England for over a year) I doubt Jermaine Defoe would be on Harry’s list, Ledley King ( I can see him trying to get out of friendly games because of his knee) Jermaine Jenus had a few showings for England, can’t imagine he would be looking for excuses not to join up again.
So I would guess and say Harry is talking about David Bentley who threw his football career away, and Arron Lennon who never pushed on from his early promise, England are better off without them.
KO
I have accepted the fact that England are rubbish, it may not be constructive but it’s not far from the truth.
When you look at our other World cups and Euro failures there is a pattern that exists over the past twenty years, at the 2010 WC in South Africa we were horrible to watch but managed to get out of the group much like a slug begging to be put out of its misery, we played small nations struggled then played Germany and got smashed 4 -2, It could have been much worse.
If you look at the Euros in 2012 we also played bad football, I think we were voted the worse team in the tournament and went out to Italy who controlled the game completely and we defended for 80 minutes like a nation new to big competitions, we went out on penalties as the Italians could not thread a ball past the two buses we had in goal.
So back to the present and I have to say I felt like a part of me had died when England got dumped out of this years World Cup, there was something missing, or should I say two things missing from the England team, I think you either have to have one or the other, if you have both you win the World Cup, if you have one you make it to the Quarter final stage at least, these two things ? 1, To have World class players in your team, ideally at least three players, at present, England have zero, that 2nd thing would be to play as a team, and have a real team ethic, England from my time have not shown a team good ethic since Glenn Hoddles 1998 side, some would argue that the spirit was built by Terry Venables and taken on by Glenn Hoddle, either way, the teams of 1996 and 1998 had some great players but more than anything it was the team that managed to take on the world with confidence, each player played with a sense of trust in his team mates.
The present team of 2014 showed a glimmer of entertaining play against the Italians, but when the answers were being asked at the crunch time in the game, a lot of our players were looking around to see who was willing to take the game by the scruff of the neck, I would argue that Rooney, Gerrard & Cahill tried to do this but they were simply not good enough or did not have that level of class to do so, matched with a team lacking in experience the resulting pitiful World Cup exit was not that hard to predict, the three players mentioned are good team players, not World class players, if you added Pirlo, Suarez and Van Persie to the England team you would fancy our chances, in a perfect world, I guess we would all be very bored, so instead we are stuck in reality.
Alonso was quoted yesterday as saying the Spanish World champions reign ended because the players were no longer hungry, I think there are elements of this with the England team, even though based on their half a century of losing you would think they would be starving, instead I look at Costa Rica who have players who move as one, and battle and fight for each other, all of England’s players are earning a fortune, they all drive top of the range sports cars, live in mansions, and never have to solve or deal with banal issues that most of us do.
I think there is an element of our players being cuddled in the most entertaining league in the world, it may be the most entertaining but it is probably third or fourth in the quality stakes, so while Gerrard and co look like superstars in the Premier league, when they meet real quality teams they soon realise they are not as good as they thought they were.
All of the top four in a our league have foreign players as their key men, our English players simply play supporting roles in the show that is the Premier league, this World Cup has made our guys look like TV extras, I can enjoy the World Cup now, but it will take me a good while to believe in a England team again.
KO
I can’t believe how much this one game means to all the UK,OK that will just be England then, anything less than a win and we are surely out of the World cup for this year, the amount of column inches and TV interviews and links created over this campaign and it could be all over within 2 games, the flags on the cars will come down, the anticipation and excitement of a nation dissolves into a quiet depression, ”no pressure” on the players then.
As the song goes, No more years of hurt. No more need for dreaming, well I will be dreaming and hoping for a win tonight, I would be happy
with England getting out of the group, anything less and the media will be sharpening their knifes when the team land at the airport.
This years team have shown the country that England can play attractive, fast paced football, it would be a crime if we went out in the groups by playing football the way it should be as opposed to Capello who chose to stifle out flair players and play with a robotic defensive team.
I hope all the players make England proud!
My prediction England 3 Uruguay 1
Barkley 2 – Gerrard 1
Key factor – The weather is suppose to be wet & cold ( Like playing in England)
KO
I really took to this show and it’s characters from the very first show, Malvo (Billy Bob) and Lester ( Martin Freeman) really brought something new to the screen.
So to the finale, spoilers included, I was gutted to see the end of Malvo, he was my first reason for tuning in each week, his dead cold delivery and dry wit made him must watch TV, the show kept you guessing about how he would die and a nice interaction between the two leads left the door open for both to continue into season two, but instead the writers had Billy Bob’s days cut short with several shots to the belly from the Deputies postman husband.
Lester falls into a river of ice, the likelihood is he is dead, for the sake of the makers losing both they star acts I am guessing the writers will have him turning up near a riverbank at the start of season 2.
I loved this show but the finale did not wow me, the style of show maybe wasn’t designed for this type of ending.
I would love for season two to start with two new leads, I enjoyed Martin but I am at a loss about how many bad things can happen to a man in such a small and quiet town, this for me leads to Lester dying in that river or Lester surviving and moving to a big city to start his empire of murder and lies.
9/10 for the season
KO
Movie Dr 